So...I broke down...

...And had a cigarette. Going from 15 smokes a day to 0 is harder than I expected. I don't know if I should just start over and go cold turkey, or if I should ween myself off of the nicotine. Either way, I need to quit. Stupid addiction.

We're going to buy a house!!!

So...Robbie and I pre-qualified for $150,000 for a home loan. We qualified for the Utah Housing loan so we don't have to have a down payment either. We don't even have to pay closing costs! We are going to look at a bunch of properties with our realtor tomorrow and I am so happy!!! I can't believe we are actually going to buy a house! I know it might take awhile to find a house that we'll absolutely fall in love with, but looking for it is the best part. YAY!!! I am so excited!!!!!

Quitting Smoking: Day 1

So...Today is my first day with no cigarettes in years. I'm getting a little cranky already, but I know that it's the right decision. I've been smoking on and off since I was 13 and I've been an avid chain smoker since I was 17. It's definitely time to quit.

Several people have tried to convince me to quit smoking. I used to get defensive when anyone brought it up, but I know that my family and friends just care about me and want me to stick around a bit longer.

Wish me luck everyone! The first few weeks are going to be hard, but I'm going to try not to think about it.


QuitMeter Counter courtesy of www.quitmeter.com.

Only the Good Die Young

Jessica Dawn Lessien

09/19/1990 - 10/30/2008

R.I.P. Jessica Lessien
Jessica Lessien finally passed today after a two month battle with a crippling and fast acting form of multiple sclerosis. We will all miss her very very much and eternally cherish the time we spent with her.There will be a memorial service on Monday, November 3rd. It is requested friends wear pirate attire to celebrate her love for Pirates of the Caribbean. Please contact Bryce 801-664-9935 or Christina 801-664-9207 for an address and time if you are interested in attending.

This is the blog I read on my old friend, Jessica's, myspace profile on November 6th. I am still in shock. She passed away on October 30th and I had no idea until a week after it happened. I didn't even know she was ill. I knew nothing.

Jessica was a regular at Greenhouse Effect. That's where I met her. I used to go to that coffee shop everyday, so I saw Jessica everyday. She was the sweetest, kindest, most loving soul. We got really close when I was going to Greenhouse, but I stopped going and we lost touch. I hadn't talked to her in person in nearly two years. Now I will never get to.

I've lost two friends in the last year. Both of which I hadn't talked to in awhile before their passing. It's made me realize that life is too short to lose touch with good friends, or be angry with someone for a long period of time. Tell your loved ones how much you care for them and how much you appreciate their existence every chance you can. You will be so glad that you did. I think if I had, I would still be sad, but I wouldn't have so much regret.

I also feel angry. I know I've kind of disappeared over the last two years, but I know that people know how to get a hold of me. Why would no one tell me that Jessica had passed away? Why would no one tell me that she was sick so that I could spend some time with her before she went? Why!?

I'm so sad, so angry, and so full of regret, but I find comfort in knowing that maybe Jessica knows that I'm sorry that we lost touch. I hope she knows how wonderful, fun, and full of life she was. I hope she knows that I am a better person for knowing her. I hope she knows that I will miss her so much and she is still loved. Rest In Peace, Jessica.

The Cold

We had the first snowfall of the season in Salt Lake City today. Can I just tell you that I hate the cold? I need to move somewhere where it never snows. Leslie and I were joking at work today about how we are going to move to a warm, democratic state. That is definitely not Utah.

This is my first blog on this site. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet, but I figure I'll give it a chance.

I don't really talk to anyone about this with the exception of my husband, but I'm not really sure what I want to do career wise. There are so many things that I love, want to learn, and experience in my life. I want to know everything. If I could just go to school for a living; get paid to learn about all of the subjects I find interesting that would be ideal, but that cannot be. So what do I do?

I love to cook, write, read, watch old movies, drink coffee, smoke cigarettes, drink martinis, dance, sing karaoke at The Highlander, act, and most of all spend time with Robbie and Chili Pepper. They are my world.

We are going to pre-qualify for a house next week and I cannot wait. I'm so tired of our tiny, one bedroom apartment. I think we are ready to buy and I know it will be a great change for us. I've already started looking and I found an amazing house in West Jordan that I love that is within our price range. I really hope we get it.

I've felt a bit lost in this world for the past few months, but things are starting to become clear as each day goes by. I just need to know what I'm going to do for a career and how to do it. *sigh* Any suggestions?